On Dating
I meant to write a post on this subject. The fiasco that was the online flirting affair I attempted lit my fire. And my weekly poker game, listening to the married folk carp and bitch about the little annoying things their spouses do usually gets me going on the topic as well. I absolutely cannot believe that it is customary and acceptable for married men to complain about the little things in their relationships. Fuckers. Many nights, especially on the weekends I wish I had someone special to share my life with and to just be around. Even familiarity has its benefits. It's so fucking stressful trying to impress or get to know someone, only realizing that you blew it because you didn't hold your dinner fork right on the date. Yes, this honestly was a reason one time. A friend's wife befriended said date before I asked her out. Friend's wife relayed it back to me afterwards, with the disclaimer that this shallow woman really was not that great of a friend. Made me feel fucking better at least.
I married once. And then I contracted the social disease called divorce. Living in a socially conservative area I continue to run into women who are like ewwww whenever the subject of dating a divorced guy is brought up. What can I fucking say to that? Most don't want to take the time to hear the marriage started going south when the sick little wench started getting snail mail love-letters from inmates she counseled in prison, hiding them from me, and secretly cooing over them. Or, even more unfortunate and twisted, she lightly mutilated herself whenever confronted with something, anything she felt guilty about. So, confronting her with the love letters was like putting a razor blade in her hand. How do you explain to a potentially new partner that it was the marriage, not the divorce that fucked you up emotionally and now that you are divorced you are so much better? And, yes, I became a up a fucked up mess for a while in that marriage, fretting about what my own hurt and pain at her little betrayals and late nights out would cause her to do to herself if I expressed them.
I did try, oh I tried to make it work with marriage counseling ( spelling doom immediately) and convincing her to go to therapy. Nothing seemed to help her face up to her dark secrets and then she had the gall to leave me. She left me for the guy she spent all those long nights out with. Our relationship was not conducive to her "isms" because I started to no longer feel sorry for her. I hope she's happy today. She was sick and I hope she eventually got well without doing to much damage to herself or others. Of course I've known women much older who hopscotch through the same pattern, so who knows.
That's been nearly three years ago now.
But how do you explain that to a woman? Usually you don't. You put the divorce thing out there on the table, so if things do click, you don't have to explain why you didn't share this oh-so-important fact later on. Once the feeling out questions come up, you shrug and stay away from the details to the best of your abilities because somehow you know the details reflect something bad about you. And you fidget with your fork and that is what fucks it all up.
So you end up playing cards each Friday night with a bunch of married guys who all like to complain about the little things in their marriages, like being asked to take out the garbage or to stick to the family budget this Friday night. I just want to tell them to shut the fuck up about it already. And then I remember this is what normal married people tend to do, they carp about each other because it is safe to do. And with familiarity comes some friction. By the wee hours of Saturday morning I've settled on the acceptable solution of masturbation and being single for at least another week, at least until I find someone who can deal with the disease.
posted by Joe Blow @ 12/04/2004 11:12:00 AM
<< Home